Cameron Diaz's whole drunken presence inspired a fury within me the likes of which I've not known for quite some time, and the American Pie girls made me feel like I was watching a sixth grade skit. No one was dressed well (except Samuel L., of course, 'cause he's the baddest mothafucka in the land), and seems no one knows how to give a classy acceptance speech anymore either.

Can you tell I was disappointed?