Never use a cruelty when a joke will do in its place

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly,
this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c”
will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when
the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make
words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the
languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords
kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and
evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a
united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey
vunted in ze forst plas.

hands and feet are sore. trying to figure out what I'm going to write in white paint pen on my guitar (well, one of my guitars - the black Jackson Flying V, aka The Rock Machine). so far it looks like it's going to be Tod zu falschem Metall (German for "death to false metal"). I'm also looking at trying to recreate to front cover of GYBE!'s Slow Riot For New Zero Kanada.