Never use a cruelty when a joke will do in its place

I need a turntable. I have a metric shitton of LPs with nothing to play them on save for my dinky little Fisher Price relic from childhood. (Actually I got it at Value Village five years ago. Whatevs.)

I walked from Cellophane Square on the Ave yesterday with about 40 albums. Grand Funk, Billy Cobham, Maynard Ferguson, George Benson, Sergio Mendes, the Tom Jones record that Unwound defaced on Fake Train, all sorts of good shit. Also got Teach-Yourself-French and Teach-Yourself-Mandarin sets. And I Am Not Ashamed by the Liberated Wailing Wall, the musical arm of Jews For Jesus. Two different albums (by diferent artists) have versions of the themes from Summer of '42 and Shaft (which I didn't realize until I got home).

All this greatness, and nothing good to play 'em on. I've thought about getting one of those Ion turntables with the USB port, so I could rip all my vinyl onto my computer, but they seem to get mixed reviews, and some packages charge you for the recording software, which I already downloaded for free.

Anyone have a model that they really like?